Fear

"Fear leads to Pain, pain leads to Anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads suffering all of these to the dark side of the force lead"-Yoda

Well I'm going to admit it, I'm damn terrified of racing on Saturday. While I've tried to comically laugh it off, get my ego boosted and what not, that DNF is still playing head games. The problem of dropping out is you're afraid you will drop out again, that the unholy sin of giving up will lead down a slippery slope of quitting at the first sign of adversity...and eventually to not even trying at all.

And so the doubt piles up: Am I good enough? Will I follow this through? Do I suck as bad as I think I do? All these words poison to the confidence and the soul.
So how does one defeat fear?
I don't know by overcoming doubt I guess, I really wish it would be as easy as psyching my self up like a Celtic Berzerker having a friend beat my bare gut with a wiffle ball bat while screaming testosterone fueled grunts causing anyone in a 10 foot radius to slowly start backing away...definiately would make the mass start go a little smoother...or get me in the short line for a psych eval.
Perhaps it is as easy a deciding not to be afraid, to just look at the distances on paper choke up the DNF to shitty circumstances, and handle it.
I guess the other fear is just quite frankly not having what it takes...to maybe follow some of my professors' advice and just dedicate myself to improving my mind and leaving sport to the real athletes to know my future lies in a lecture hall, office, or at a lectern instead of the start line in Kona, Hopkington, or the Verrazano Narrows Brigde...that's the fear that hits the most, the fear of being inadequate, that what I desire most will never come to me...that maybe I should get my head out of the clouds and just focus on what I'm good at.

Fear maybe healthy but it is by no means good.