Back up plan.

Well my goal for the 2009 season is to make Kona but I'm always one for a back up plan. Afterall I still need something to shoot for, if the planets don't align right, I have a bad day, a group of Molson swigging super studs come down from the mothership...I mean land of the great white north..eh..and end up trading in Maple Leaf Jerseys for Flowery Shirts.( much love to my Canadian Readers...hell you guys are one step up in the college tri thing from the us states.) I want to do two irons in 2009 but if I'm not doing Kona I need to decide what is the best course of action.

Option1: No more races after Park City. Rest up the bank book, save up some coin maybe throw down for NZ ( depending on my job situation if I'm a teacher forget it.), or AZ, or FLA for 2010. This is the smart option.

Option 2: Enter 2!!!! shorter and cheaper races...like Litchfield Hills or Niantic, maybe finish up with Hammerfest. This is a foolish option but not as dumb as some alternatives.

Option 3: Plymouth Rock Full Distance ( read Indie Ironman in Eastern, MA) it's in September and I have the base from my halves. It's realatively cheap,there are no slots at stake,I don't need a flight to get there...hell I could sleep in my car in the parking lot if I had to. Once again foolish but not as dumb as someother sick thoughts in my mind.

Option 4: Maybe Throw Down for the Hartford Marathon..and focus on Boston if I can't make one goal race maybe I can shoot for the other. Reasonable...a marathon only cost about as much as an Oly and I could quit riding for a while just to focus on running, and hence save on the expenses related to bike training.

Option 5:Call up Ken Glah and buy a travel package for IM Arizona $800+ Hotel for 4 days+ Flight realistically I'd be spending about as much as I would to go to Kona. Training wise: smart...Financially: Suicide.

Option 6: Go to Louisville the week end of the Ironman, cheer on Judi and Tony sign up for 2010. eh...not as cheap as some of my other options but definitely better than Option 5.

Option 7: Western Oz: Somebody get me a straight jacket, hide my credit cards, and have me adjudicated.

Option 8: Just do the Griskus Sprint and Patriot in 2010. Keep the streak at Patriot alive but sort of tone down from tri for a bit focus on other more important things like work... for example...
This one is ringing as probably the smartest of all options...granted I do like to race more than just one month a year.

These are the things running through my head along with the "Holy Shit What if I actually make Kona how the Hell am I going to pay for it"...I mean the entry fee it will hurt but if I need to I can scrounge $500 bucks...plus what if I'm teaching in October I can't take the week off to race and Ironman...there is just a lot to think about on both sides. I told one friend if I earned the slot I'm seriously tempted to turn it down. Despite the fact it is my dream....there's just a lot of other stuff that should take priority. It might be "Moonlight Graham" moment where I get so close to fulfilling my dream that it would kill some people to get that close and give up. It might hurt to kill a dream but not getting a more fufilling job and stability would be a tragedy. I guess I won't know what decision I'll make until I get there.

R.D.

I Run

I run.
I run because it gives me focus.
I run because it cost me nothing.
A pair of shoes, a watch, maybe a little visor for good measure.
I run becasue it allows me to escape the pain of life, the broken promises, the crushed dreams.
It allows me to debate, to decide, to see out side the situation.
I run because it allows me to get out side the problems of life, the termoil.
The decisions I know I'm going to have to make.
It's swaping pain, physical for emotional.

I run because it allows me to dream.
The road allows me to fantasize.
It doesn't say that's stupid
It doesn't say you'll can't, you'll never, you should just stick to you're day job.
The road doesn't care, it just keeps moving forward as do I.

The road doesn't care who you're parents are.
It doesn't give a rat ass about credit score, the bills you pay, the guilt you feel.
It charges you nothing, it asks for nothing.
It doesn't give a flying shit...it just keeps moving forward.
Forward and upward, forward and down ward
Smooth, rocky, bombed out, freshly oiled.
Straight, spiraling, quite, full of traffic.
Through the burbs through da hood it just keeps going.

Like life.

Pain...

" Do no harm..." -Hippocrates

Do no harm to others
that's what I try to live by.
I internalize my anger on myself
because I do not want to hurt others.

Cause others no pain
Despite the fact they are hurting you
Despite the fact they are poisoning your soul
Despite the fact they are crushing your dreams
Say nothing because by screaming out you will cause them and yourself incredible torment.

Do not strike out
Turn the other cheek
Forgive Forget
Bear your cross
Destroy the self
Blame yourself even if it's not your fault
That's how I've tried to live...

I am tired of it.
In trying not to cause pain
I have made myself it's slave
I have let it poison my mind
I have let it poison my body
I have let it destroy who I want to be.
No more...

I'm tired of pain
I'm tired of torment
I'm tired of making myself feel unworthy to protect others
I'm tired of acting against my best interest...

So I cast you off fear...
I cast you off self loathing...
I cast you off doubt, failure, scorn and ridcule...
I cast you off self implied obligation...I cannot save those who are unwilling to help themselves...
But most of all I cast you off pain....

I'm tired of the grief you caused me...
Go infect someone else
You are not wanted
You are not welcome
I am not thankful for you
So get the Hell out!

I am done with you pain!

Thoughts that go through you head during after a fall...

Josie this one's for you.

Shit!
This is gonna hurt!
Man I hope there's no one behind me..
Maybe I should have spent more time at work...
That's my life...man it was short!
(Thud) Oooof tuck and roll!
Is the bike ok?
Ok toes move...
Fingers...
ok not paralyzed...
Is the bike ok...
Can't move the left/right shoulder, hope I didn't break the collarbone...ok I can move it...what about the bike?
Oh man that scrape is gonna look sexy...the bike looks ok...can I still ride?
Oh man blood stains and scuff marks on my favorite jersey...
I hope I don't have a hole in the ass of my bike shorts...
The frame's not cracked...that brake lever is a little out of place, hold the front wheel ( Twist) much better...
Wheels...ok spinning through the brakes...
Tires aren't flat? Nope ...good.
Anyone got a bandaid?
Alright clip in...carry on...

Silence...

It's wanting to speak...but not
It's wanting to express the inexpressible
It's not making any rational sense and not wanting to look like an idiot
It's keeping your mouth shut when all you want to do is scream
It's your heart and mind not being in synch
It's vowing to yourself...I will say I will tell it...I wall scream it from the rooftop....tomorrow...or the day after....or maybe the third Wednesday of next month
It's having millions of thoughts bouncing all over the place, without organization, with out flow, without meaning and not letting the world see the inner chaos
It's being so terribly afraid of what would happen if you spoke
It's peaceful
It's deafening
It's light as a feather
It's heavy as a boulder
It is Silence.

Run Focus...

I'll admit it my mind is all over the place when I'm running. I must be suffering ADD. Afterall how else can you explain not focusing in class when it's an extremely beautiful day and you'd rather be out on the bike or running instead of focusing on the French fry ritual of Potato Worshipers of Western Latvia, or falling asleep in class while you analyze the intricacies of Tort law in Business Law class after sitting in class rooms for the past 7 hours...yep I need to be put on Ritalin and gallons of it. Wait what did this post begin as again...

Alright my rant about needing to medicate any body that goes against the grain or isn't a good little corporate zombie is over*

But seriously I do need to focus more while I run. I find that I spend alot of time day dreaming, fantasizing, and having delusions of grandeur, instead of focusing on my body, my breathing, my stride rate, the asphalt directly in front of me. Maybe the keeping my mind in lala land is a good thing then I can't notice that twitching of my Achilles tendon, the slight tightness in my hip flexors, the gentle burning of my hamstrings and the unmerciful pounding of asphalt on my shins, calves, and feet, the fact that I still have X miles to go. The fact that it's cold, windy,and pouring rain or boiling with 100% humidity, and I ran out of water/sports drink Y miles ago. Maybe it's not a good thing to leave this realm because then I don't focus as much on the punk in front of me, how much sweat I'm losing and how I should replace it, how fast my pace is versus what my ideal pace is and bring the two together. But then again focusing on such things would make me OCD. That's a whole new set issues. You know how OCD steam rolls first it's focusing too much on my running, then on how I tie my shoes, then on my nutrition...hell before you know it I'm debating on which tomatoes to buy based on their content of antioxidants and my free time is spent focusing on cleaning all the pebbles out of every crevice on my running shoes, because they add 2.0X10 ^-5 (0.000002) grams of weight or have a 1 in 10 billion shot of causing an injury....hell Spending more time preparing to run than running itself. Being in lala land sounds better than being more meticulous than an IRS auditor. Also my ADD approach to training on my long runs hasn't hurt me. I mean my track workouts and races are where I focus, going into that Kona smoking Macca..Cam Brown..Crowie fantasy maybe completely unrealistic ...but it helps keep me out of "shoot self" mode on my 20 mile long run. Perhaps it can be said on a long run not focusing helps me to focus in some bizarre way. I went on a 20 mile long run with the Angry Runner a while back (like 2007), but the one thing he said as looped back at one point was " How the hell do you not get bored doing this shit?" I guess I had never really thought about it before then, because I was just naturally in the zone... and even with my helter skelter thoughts bouncing all over the place, I was still running 4:00 marathon pace. So should I change my running style if it's what works for me? I don't think so but part of me always wonders am I doing enough to get faster. I guess the athlete's mind is a lot like a line from Macbeth " A lot of Sound and Fury Signifying Nothing."

R.D.

*I am not against the use of psychological medication in instances where it is warranted...ie severe depression, schizophrenia,bipolar disorder, etc. I just feel when you are watching commercials that describe common feelings and they are telling you that you are suffering from ABCXYZ and need to be put on massive doses of medication it's a little excessive. Please let's save the meds for people who really need them.

I can't believe I did that....

no I'm not talking about the ironman, or my bizzare training and class schedule. Last night out I called Catherine...before any one says "do you know what that will do to your phone bill?" I am not as dumb as I look and act 90% of the time, I had a calling card I still have to burn up..... So I figured what the hell, what's the worst that can happen I blow $10 that was already spent and will most likely expire...also what's the worst she can say to me, "Never speak to me again, you psycho bastard!" fine then that gives me an excuse to enter Utah, or South Africa..although it would hurt incredibly...but then again my mantra is swim/ride/run through the pain. So I took the gamble, after multiple coin flips, and consulting the source of all wisdom : A magic 8 ball. I bit the bullet and dialed...the familiar sound of New Zealand dial tone...in my head thinking to my self "God I'm hopeless." Then her voice...the..."oh my god... it's you...what time is it over there...yeah just out of work and driving to the gym."..I"ll spare the details but apparently New Zealand has no Cell phone bans in place...so if anyone in New Plymouth was nearly taken out by a little white Mazda I apologize deeply. Needless to say we shot the shit for about 15-20 min. Foundout she's entered the 2010 Taupo to Rotorua bike race which just so happens to go down part of the Ironman New Zealand bike route she and her friends are lucky in that they can draft that entire stretch...and if there is no head wind you can really fly....the reasons to go back to train and race in Taupo are piling up.

R.D.

Freak...

" Yo Adrian, you know how I said all that stuff they said about me on TV didn't hurt....It did." - Rocky.

Well after tagging one of my friends on facebook, one of her friends made the comment of " Why did that freak tag you in an album." I guess that's what I am I'm a freak. I'm used to being hated and detested...part of the reason I do triathlon. The long hours in the saddle, on the road of in the pool take away from my loneliness...my not belonging, that inner ache and pain I feel when I see people happy together, knowing that it is most likely not in my future. I train through the pain, through the heartache, through the fact that I don't fit in and realistically never will. I don't have to deal with "the" People or "normal" people...I deal with freaks like me. The type of freaks who talk about carbon fiber over aluminum, kettle bells and squats, New Balance over Asics, Speedo vs. TYR. I guess somewhere in our freakhood we find camaraderie. We are freaks so what. Some of us are lucky and we met other freaks who we hit it off we, we get married and have freak children and then they laugh at the normal people as they hate life. For others like me we remain single freaks, knowing not even our fellow freaks quite understand us. We find some friends some solace but at the end of the day feel we're too freaky for the rest of the freaks. It hurts, it is a cold sting of reality everytime that word is thrown around but I guess it reminds me why I train and why I train like a rabid animal...no amount of physical pain can hurt me like some of the mental and emotional abuse I have taken. Buddha states "All life is suffering, all suffering is caused by desire, suffering can be over come by non-attachment." The more I reflect on my life the more I agree, my suffering comes from my desire to be normal to be accepted, my training helps me let go of attachment to that desire. Not necessarily Zen or what he had in mind but it works for me. So why part of me feels the pain that I will probably never be able to have a decent realtionship, or have the approval of my peers, the other realizes that this just serves as more fuel, to train harder, to train longer to become faster...so go ahead call me a freak...It hurts, but it gives me focus.
R.D.

Tilting at a windmill?

On Tuesday night down in NZ a group of us were sitting at the pub waiting for food. The usual tri geek speak came up. Talk about races, Kona Qualifiers, fastest bike splits, best way to shave legs, how much riding the trainer sucks. Then one person asked us Why New Zealand?
The usual chorus of Answers came up "Just wanted to do it." "Doesn't sell out" "Get me out of the Canadian/Mid-Western/ Northeastern Winter." The question was then posed to me...I tried to go with the "It doesn't sell out like the NA sports events route" But I guess that pint of Speights loosened my tongue a little bit. "Well I sort of have a friend down here that I wanted to see again...I had met her last year when I did this..." before you could say hopeless romantic, the cry came out "You're doing Ironman because of a girl? Wow!" Alright I'll admit it it's a little far fetched even for me. I'm Mr. Afraid of committing to anyone with a set of Double X chromosomes. But there was something about her... also the fact that she had driven 3 hours to see me and a few of her friends in town. Part of me feels how feel toward her is stupid, she has a boyfriend, she is happy, how the hell could I take care of a relationship this long distance, hell I couldn't even hold up with a girl an hour drive away let alone an 18 hour flight. She is a good friend, I can talk to her like one of the guys, no pretensions, just plainly ,simply, and frankly. I can be me. She accepts me for who I am and I do likewise, I'm at ease around her, I don't have to be something I'm not. Maybe that's why I like being around her....maybe that's why as much as my heart wants to, but I won't pursue her ( I don't want to be a D-bag to her BF...if she picked him he's got to be doing something right because she doesn't take shit from anybody.) To go after her would be like being like Don Quixote tilting at a windmill, gallant, chivalrous, and completely misplaced and borderline idiotic....but prehaps that is the entire context of love....we go in a full charge,bordering on insanity, hoping not to land flat on our asses...with everyone telling us how much of a moron we were we come to our senses. When we land flat, our hearts crushed into millions of pieces and we vow not to be as foolish ever again. We look at maybe being alone isn't so bad...we prepare for a life devoted to careers, sport and solitude only to have our foolish adventurer once again reawakened and once again find ourseleves charging full speed into the unknown...into ruin, heroics, misplaced courage we never knew we had...but for me I just can't seem to bring myself to pursue...I'm content to have her as a friend and am oh so afraid to have her leave my life...
So why did I go to New Zealand? Was I titlting at a windmill? Maybe in one aspect, but in another I got to touch base with good friend.

Never say never....

6 months ago this wasn't happening...
No way no how, no chance...No money..no motivation, nothing...I had to watch a boat load of you tube videos to keep myself from ebaying my bike...it wasn't going to happen until I made it happen.
a $400 dollar gamble...should have spent the money on other things, paid bills, only 4 months in the dead of winter to train.

3 months ago...this wasn't happening...only 3 months to train for an Ironman in the coldest winter in decades...snow and cold every weekend no way to train out doors...just hopping on the treadmill and the trainer if it wasn't bad 8-10 miles outside...there was no way that this cold prep me for an ironman could it?
The weather broke...managed to get some out door runs and rides in again, sucked it up and was ridding the trainner from 2-4 hours 3 days a week.

1 month ago ..this wasn't happening...my ortho shows me the x-ray of y ankle..."you've got microtears in your tendon...you should stay off it for atleast month."
"I've got an ironman in 6 weeks " I shout back...
"You can swim" he replies...
"Can I bike?"
"Well"
CAN I BIKE?" I say more firmly knowing if I can't cycle it's truly game over.
"Yes" he says reluctantly
"I there anything that can heal my leg faster? " I ask
" Anti-inflamatories although it will only take about a week off."
3 weeks of no run training and just pushing the swim and the bike...surely the sart thing is to drop out....

1Week ago...I can't believe this is happening...flight's booked, bike's packed I managed to get the last of my long training in...I actually feel ready....
For all the reasons it shouldn't of happen, couldn't have happended it is happening...

again.

Time To Taper

I ran my long run, the leg survived, there is no need to push the distance anymore.
I have done more long rides and trainer sessions that last year...I can back off now.
The black line at the bottom of the pool has become a blur, I can reduce my yardage.

Race day is 13 days away and now since I have thrown together my best efforts I can relax a little. Now more worrying about building up more mileage on the run, no more worrying can I cram one more 4+ hour ride in. No more worring "will the Achilles Survive?" What I have done over the last few months to prep has been done. Now the distances will get a little shorter, I can rest up a little more, and hopefully on March 7 I will fly with no major issues.
The prep work is complete now it's off to the races.
R.D.

Focus: leading up to Ironman.

" I think the reason is she [Natasha Badmann] focuses within, we're all looking back wondering where she is like "Where's Natasha?" "Where's Natasha?" and she just going on her way."

-Jo Lawn on Badmann's Ironman success.



Well if you follow the other blog my training for the Ironman is progressing. I'm about the same on the swimming, I'm a little ahead on the cycling game from last year, and a little behind on the running. I have 3 weeks until I fly out so I have time to build to one last long run, granted it's going to be a more conservative load, but I'm confident I'll survive the race. I've looked at the entry list there are 3 other guys representing the stars and stripes and 28 of us young studs throwing down. Last year there were 43. I know two of these guys beat me last year everyone else is an x-factor.



But every race is an X-factor, training goes right or wrong, people who do this on a whim go out and shock the world, that kid who consistently gets a mud hole stomped into them suddenly gets sweet revenge, you flat, you cramp up, you get a tail wind, you get a refreshing downpour on the run...you could run all the variables through your head but it makes no matter worrying before hand. You take it as it comes, you focus within, you look at realistically what can I do now? You react to changes, you adapt, improvise, and hopefully overcome.



Pre race you sit there you talk about qualifying slots, you dream while you train, while you rehab, while you number crunch, while everyone around you calls you an "idiot" and you start second guessing then dismiss it. You go into the zone, into the basement, into that spot you feel invincible.



Pain is suddenly for other people, doubt is suddenly for other people, the bills, worries, papers, deadlines, meetings, are for another time, you train and get them out of your system, you'll handle them as they come. Just like the rain, just like wind, the snow, the cold, the heat, the sun.

You stop griping and start working the only thing certain in your mind that you are going to go from A-B. It might be a nice straight line a path of no resistance...it might curve like a serpent like Alpe Du Huez, up hill down hill, treacherous and demanding, trying body, mind and soul like nothing else.



You look at what you ache for, what you want so badly you would give anything for, it is what drives you to run outdoors when others are content to sit around in their warm dry homes, it is what drives you to ride your bike when everyone else is thinking a movie might be nice, it is what gets you in the pool after a full day of work, classes and life's problems, when others would head home crack open a beer and pass out infront of the tube, it is what gets you through all the training, all the days at work, all the times people stare at you like a six headed goat, the times when you just want to pack it all in and say in one resounding voice " I quit Life!" It's what helps you hang on.

And then race day comes, all the training, all the sacrifice, all the kind words, all the vulgar ones that fuel your resolve, the scrimping, saving, selling your soul, comes to fruition, the normal fears enter your head..."why did I sign up for this again?" the distance becomes real, the butterflies knot up in your throat and gut as you nervously head to the portolet 2, 3, 4 times just to make sure your bladder is empty... then you get into the water you take a few warm up strokes and get into you groove. You tell yourself it's just another race like any other , you take a deep breath and wait for the cannon and suddenly you know: You are ready....

Positive news:

My professors are cool with me going to NZ so I just have to hand in a few things early. Also my thesis professor is a former triathlete..added bonus.

The ankle the swelling is almost un-noticable...still going to hold off on doing any crazy long runs I'll re-assess this weekend, maybe attempt an easy 4 miler on flat ground...otherwise next Wednesday night I'm back in black. Rehab is working.

Class canceled for the day...woohoo trainer session, and getting some other things done.

Seriously thinking I should buy a lotto ticket now because things are looking good.

Supposed to be warm Sunday well warm as a realative term 35F (2C)...it's above freezing I'll take it.

Quantas running an airfare deal.. $1150 round trip. Hopefully I'll get either my student loan in or that winning lotto ticket so I can pay for it...added bonus American Advantagemiles (one world partner so I rack up miles on Quantas.).... about 16,000 of them....hmm first class to Kona if I'm able to pull a PR out of my ass....

My head seems to be finally back in the game.

Pool at CCSU opens next week bring on the late night swim sessions.

Things are starting to fall into place.

I can't run for at least a week

Well I went to my ortho and recieved a diagnosis of Tendonosis (micro tears.) the result a reccomended rest of 4 weeks without running...barebones minimum 2 weeks off start running when the swelling goes down on your Achilles,unless you want a rupture. There are 4 options of what I can do:

1. Ignore the Doc run on my leg and have a 50/50 shot of a marathon PR or a season ending tendon rupture. I'm Crazy not stupid the idea of a tear is enough to scare me straight.

2. Scrap Ironman New Zealand beat my head against the wall for wasting $400, enter Providence 70.3 and take my rage out on the Half Ironman speedsters in July...be afraid be very very afraid. I really don't want to eat $400 bucks.

3. Sit here and mope about how I can't run for two weeks..oh woe as me..eat fattening foods and generally make a mess of myself. Tempting but what gets done that way?

4. Take the two weeks I can't run and focus more on swimming and cycling. See this unplanned rest as mandatory cycling focus, use the orthodics in my bike shoes build mileage and hence improve my weakest event. Get my swimming from top 60 to flirting with course record status. Go to Taupo pilage the field on the swim and bike and hold on Normann Stadler style on the run. We have a winner!

Ok so I'm not a huge fan of the Norminator but I guess if I want to have a positive outlook on not being able to work my usual second strength, I need to work my weakness if I want a shot of a Kona slot or finishing in Daylight. My swim is stellar, my cycling is improving and now my marathon which is normally a no brainer is now a question mark. All I can do is swim and spin and hopefully in two weeks begin to build my run mileage back up.

Thankfully this weekend it's supposed to be cold, but no snow so hopefully it will be an ideal weekend to ride, On tap for tonight masters maybe an hour or two on the trainer. Now that I know what I've hurt and to what extent I know what I have clearance to train it's time to put in more of the work..hopefully weather and classes will co-operate.

R.D.

What the Hell's my excuse.....

As noted in some of my earlier posts 2008 was a hell of a year and 2009 has tossed a few little "issues" my way, hopefully they'll be easy to resolve, go to see an orthopedic doc on Wed. so I'm confident I'll be given the it's just a strain , rest, Ice and buy a new damn set of running shoes script.

Any way back in November as I was sitting around debating which Ironman I was going to do and then debating doing none, as I looked at the check book, I was greeted by the 2005 Ironman highlight show on the TV. For those of you who don't know me that well last year I raced as a member of Team Blazeman, because I was inspired by Jon Blais's courage or racing the 2005 Ironman with ALS more commonly known as Lou Gehrig's disease or in the Commonwealth as Motor Neuron. Seeing the Blazeman's Ironman again reminded me of one of the major reasons I do this sport: Because I Can. While I watched Jon battle the tough Kona course with Paul Sherwin's and Al Trautwig's commentary and remember that the cruel disease that took his life in 2007, I began to think of people in my own life who have defeated the odds. One of them was one of my high school swim teammates. In our junior year she was diagnoised with a brain tumor. She underwent surgery in which everything that could go wrong did go wrong...essentially a surgery that was supposed to be a quick easy removal left her partially paralyzed. The thing was that despite this she still graduated high school, and went to college...and swam for a season. Her attitude was "I'm in a wheel chair tough shit. I'm still smart, I can still swim, I'm still me." The other was a person I had the privilegde of racing against twice in two of the toughest races in the Northeast. The guy is a member of a rival tri club, but still is equally inspiring. He had both of his legs amputated in high school, ending his football and track career, but from the ashes of these shattered dreams he picked himself up and started swimming and racing with a handcycle. I saw him perform the swim portion of a sprint race two years ago and last year, after working with a wheelchair marathoner, tackled the Griskus Olympic and Providence 70.3. the Griskus I didn't see much of him until after the race, but at Providence watching him gut up college hill in the racing chair earned my respect, especially since he had to do it twice, and he was passing some of the people walking up it. So as I sat there reflecting on this and watching others fufill their dreams I sat there and thought to myself "What the Hell is my excuse for not going back to New Zealand?" Bills, it's only money...doubt..I've done it before I know I can do it again and faster. What people will think? Since when did I ever care what people thought of me.

It's selfish...ok..maybe it is but it's my life....

Regardless once this little injury gets taken care of I know who I'm towing the line for in Taupo on March 7...it's not just for the people who can't get out there and do it. It's for the people who are told they can't and respond by saying , " Watch me!"

R.D.

My Ankle Hurts..Tough Shit!

Alright from the post on my other blog...I'm official for better or for worse committed to Ironman New Zealand. The other thing is my Achilles Tendon has been inflamed since my 15 mile run 2 weeks ago...I've decided to ease off the trainer for the weekend as well as stop all running until Monday...part of me is in panic mode because I need to get saddle and road time in because I need to be able to throw down in 5 weeks...the other part of me realizes I need to take care of this tendon, because if it tears or ruptures there goes the season and possibly running for good. I had been icing and trigger pointing it and last night decided to tape the sucker hoping compression could do it some good. While I was a little tight after I took the tape off this morning it seems to have helped part of me wants to hop on the trainer and crank out 3 hours but I know I need to wait until this thing fully heals, that there is no pressure or pain, which could be a few days, until then I'll work what I can in the weight room and pool... I need to train smart not hard, I need to not eat the paste, sniff the glue, drink the kool aid.. RICE the leg until Saturday and reassess the situation...if it doesn't hurt go for my standard run or a ride, if it still hurts, check again Monday. So that has been nagging on my mind as well as the fact that classes start Tuesday, which means back to the schedule juggle, late night or early morning training sessions and hectic weekends...bring it on.

2008 a look back

Well 2008 was a hell of a year for a lot of good and bad reasons I'll start with the bad first because I figure ending with good news will lead to a more postive up beat attitude.

The bad:
I lost my digital camera in September.
Fell behind on the bills
Dad Lost his job...Fell even more behind on the bills.
Got flooded out of my parent's place when our sump pump malfunctioned, Causing me to move into my Grandfather's house mid summer.
Sold my road bike to race.
Didn't qualify for Kona
Didn't qualify for Clearwater
First DNF due to a bad deraileur cable.
My heart just wasn't into school work this semester.
Fell for a girl I don't think I can have.
Really thought about giving up sports for the first time in my life.
Realized how above my means I was really living.
Entered a race against the advice of friends and now feel like it might be a mistake.

The good:
PRed Twice in the Half Ironman Distance,including a hilly Providence70.3 course.

Averaged above 20mph on the bike for over 50 miles for the first time in my career.

Missed a Kona slot by 70 seconds. at Eagleman.

Met Bob and Mary Ann Blais ( Jon Blais's parents check out War on ALS.) twice this season... Their son's courage helped me get through some of the tougher times this racing season and helped get me out the door to train on days when all I wanted to do was feel sorry for myself.

Raced as an elite for the first time and as a bonus was the fastest out of the Water at the Patriot Triathlon this July.

3 races ( a 72.3 ,a sprint, and a 70.3) in 8 days and I managed PR's at all 3.

I left the country for the first time in 21 years.

I finished my first Ironman.

I finished my first Ironman in a Foreign country.

I realized how many people actually give a damn about me.

I realized DNFing isn't the end of the world..granted it still sucks.

Foundout I was physically and mentally tougher than I thought.

PRed in the Marathon twice.

Lost all the money I brought with me to a casino and didn't have a panic attack, granted I was a little intoxicated at the time.

Foundout I've got friends so crazy they make me look sane.

Realized that I am the only person that can truly control my life.

That I'm ALMOST ready ( still need to get that degree and some cash) to live on my own and this time unlike last time I won't screw up as bad because I have a little more faith in myself.

Not everything wrong in my life is anyone else's fault, granted it's not all my fault either.

I cannot be anyone else's parent..well you know unless they're my offspring, and tell them how to run their life, at the same time I can't help support anyone else unless I can support myself.

That somehow some way I will get myself out of the rut it I just stay patient and work at it.

R.D.

140.6 is the Easy Part: Part II The costs and the benefits.

Well for anyone who hasn't been following this blog or the my other one I'm in debt, like 90% of the US population. My family's in kind of a tough spot which has led to some tensions between my parents and myself and the fact that I have fallen behind on some stuff..granted I'll be able to catch up with the income tax check. But irregardless this summer was pretty bad, and I've resolved to get myself into a better position. As I was going through fiscal hell and now as I sit here looking at my bills, projected income, and race expenses, I felt it necessary to rehash why I want to spend the money to go half way around the world and race against some of the World's best athletes.

The Place: New Zealand is probably one of my favorite places on earth. It reminds me of Connecticut with better weather with people who are a hell of alot less up tight...hell even the road work signs say thank you. The long stretch of Broadlands road on the Taupo Course reminds me alot of my training route through Woodbury and Washington ( Granted a little less hilly.) The way the entire town got behind the event save for a few reckless drivers, was amazing. And unlike alot of the American Races where everything is about having the decked out Cervelo and the Zipp wheel set and the be all and end all coaching plan...the Aussies and Kiwis I bumped into were serious competitors but it was more as Charisa put it "about the journey that the destination."

Last year as part of the race's adopt an Ironman Program the Taupo Times picked me out of the draw so I had a conceige in Jude ( far right) personal check in volunteer ..well ok I just happended to check in at the right timeand she helped me in Gerri ( center.) And a press entourage.

The People: I've already hit on the Aussies and Kiwi's "no worries" attitude and sadly I wish it was something I had more of. I also met some people from across

the US at this shin dig that had similar attitudes it was just an experience that put me in contact with so many different cultures and lifestyles it reminded me of one of the reasons I love the sport so much.

Catherine is the Brunette on the far left, the guy on the End is Simon the local sports reporter sadly he moved to Australia if you're out there dude shoot me an email.

There is one person imparticular I'm hoping to see...my friend Catherine, she is just an amazing person, funny,pretty smart, sporty, amazing smile, stunning photographer ...she asked me once about nutrition before a race to which my reply was "well I have some gu taped to the bike some shot blocks in my pocket and if all else fails a bottle of coke and Snickers waiting for me in my special needs bag." I'm not a health food nut, hell I was one of those kids who ate Jello out of the box in age group swim meets. So I always would get a kick when she'd say " I don't know how to cook for an athlete." But on her photography last year she was working for the town paper so she and Simon the Sports reporter were my press entourage for the week. Sadly the paper made some personnel changes Cat's still in NZ and is working out of New Plymouth and Simon is somewhere in Australia, she's confirmed she'll be at the race so I'm really looking forward to seeing her and catching up. The race photos in this post were snapped by her and Simon at last year's Ironman New Zealand the two on the run were snapped 10k from the finish as Catherine leaned backward out of the passenger side window to get the shot. Not an easy task to do but it made for some great shots.

This photo is my personal favorite...mainly because it's not always easy to smile 20 miles into a marathon.

I could go into strategic planning and all that crap of "hey if I qualify for Kona...I'd have X months to train,and save up..." but in reality there was not any logical sense for me to enter Ironman New Zealand. Logic and rationality would have told me to do something closer like Louisville or Placid, or Arizona, something easier like Florida. Something late in the year, cheap to get to, and hopefully loaded with the 30 and older crowd. Sometime emotions just trumps the mind. Will I be able to afford to go back every year? I don't know, realistically I'm doing it this year on a wing and a prayer. I didn't use Ken Glah's service to cut costs ( although if you can afford to do a race with his group highly recommend it,in fact his mechanics for Ironman New Zealand were riots.) As I felt in the summer of 2007 money is only money, I can always make more.

At the end of the day when they're laying me into a 6ft.box am I'm going to be sitting there thinking I should have hoarded more, I should have worked more, I should have fired my damn stock broker in the recession, or that I should have lived more, I should have traveled more, I should have laughed more, I should have loved more...don't get me wrong I need to pay bills and establish myself and I will but am I living to work or am I working to live. What's the sense of life if you can't do at least some of what you want to do.

I think I answered that question.

R.D.